Monday, April 4, 2011

Title Game and Shitting on Football Recruiting

The National Championship game was a perfect cherry on top to a pretty unremarkable tournament. Disappointing overall. I followed this college basketball season probably the most of any basketball season in years past, the only other year rivaling this year being 2006-07, the second of Florida's consecutive titles. I wrote in a previous post about my disappointment in the tournament, and nothing really changed since then.

I'll certainly give credit to UConn. They played great defense (although Clark Kellogg would think otherwise). They blocked 10 shots, and Butler made 12 shots. Butler went 3-31 from 2pt range.

That is nearly impossible. Pomeroy has noted that that was the worst 2pt FG % by ANY team all year in ANY game. Read that again. Butler turned out the worst 2pt shooting % of any team in any game this year. They finished with .72 points per possession, the lowest for them since 2004. Cynical-H would say: "why did they shoot 46% overall and 44% from 3 against Pitt, the team I had winning it all?" I-dont-want-to-talk-about-basketball-anymore-H would say: "UConn played good defense."

Uconn also closed an incredible run, winning 11 straight games. They won't go down as one of the most memorable title teams, or one of the greatest, but I don't think they really care. They had a 1% chance of winning at the beginning of the tournament. That means, if you got them at any less than 101-1 odds, you're an idiot. Since Vegas doesn't offer that on anyone in the major six conferences, odds are, you got ripped off on your Connecticut to win the national title bet. Odds are though, just like the real UConn team, that you don't give a shit what I have to say, and are probably saying "Im the one cashing the ticket, while you're the one who had BYU at 75-1, and had to hold your breath the whole season and hope that no one on their team had consensual sex with their girlfriend."

In addition to the game, the announcing didnt help. Kerr watched 8 games all year, roughly equivalent to the amount I watch at one time. Jim Nantz was checking his watch to make sure he got to Augusta National in time. And Clark Kellogg somehow adopted Yoda's language patterns and constantly flipped the subject and predicate of the sentence. As is usually the case, I will soon forget about the national title game.

So thats that.



On a lighter note, we are on the college football recruiting trail here. I get caught up in recruiting as much as anyone else, and I know its stupid. I've never seen any of these kids play. Theres a fair chance I won't see a lot of them again. Its even more useless than a preseason poll, as were ranking 17 year olds who haven't fully developed physically or mentally. Despite all this, coaches are hired, fired, and millions of dollars are spent on the ability to recruit.

And we've all heard the stories. We've seen the ESPN 30 for 30 "Pony Excess," (my favorite, ahead of "The U" in terms of enjoyment, while "The Two Escobars" is the best made of them all). Seemingly, every week, a recruiting violation occurs, someone releases information, coaches are on the hot seat for "failure to promote a atmosphere of compliance," or whatever, etc, etc, etc.

But today's news comes from Pullman, WA. Yup, Washington State. The team that has had no relevance since 2001. Did they get the #1 player? No. Did they land a five star? No. Did a recruit pull a Ryan Perriloux, and infamously 'Guarantee he will win four heismans?" No. The news comes from the fact that head coach Paul Wulff took a shit at a recruits house.

This doesn't seem that funny at first. Big deal, the dude had to shit, and after eating a pot of gumbo, I can't say I wouldn't have to do the same. But it got me thinking. And the more I think about it, the funnier it is.

Anytime you have to shit real bad, and again, assuming he ate gumbo and is going to actually go at someone elses house, its safe to say he had to go badly, you always ask your friends about the plumbing situation at their house. Can it handle what you're about to unleash? Where is the toilet paper? Are there candles? Etc. Can you imagine him asking any of these questions?

Or, do you think he just did it casually? Maybe he didn't even have to go that badly at all. Maybe he said "can I use your bathroom?" Got up, walked in, was in there for 15 minutes, and came out.

It also got me thinking about bathroom etiquette in general. The point of this article was that Wulff was able to show how closely-knit of a family they could be by taking a shit in this persons house. THe idea is, if you can shit in your friends place, you must be pretty good friends. Its on par with fridge-privileges, where you could go over to your buddys, and just go into the fridge, and grab a beer/coke without asking. Usually, you still warn people when you're about to shit, you dont just to do it. Youll be watching TV, and say "I gotta shit," but if youre at a good buddys, you wont expect him to say "no, dont!"

This got me to think that shitting in someone elses apartment is a major step. Especially, if you're at a girls house. Now, conventional wisdom has always told me to hold farts in when youre on a date. You cant be watching "10 Things I hate about you," and ripping ass casually. Naturally, you can't do the same as you do with your buddies and say "I gotta shit," get up, go do it, come back, and then engage in an insta-make out sesh. This is well documented, and there is even an early episode of Seinfeld where Costanza has to leave a girl's apartment because the bathroom is too centrally located in the apartment, and hes afraid the smell would be too protruding.

These feelings/attitudes leads us guys to hold in farts at all times. This leads to growling stomachs and discomfort. Often times, it gets to be that a fart is on the brink of exiting, and the slightest movement will cause it to escape. Any relaxation will cause it to escape. Because of this, you cant do anything. And if you're ever getting a blab jab, theres nothing worse than having to hold in your farts, cause there would be nothing worse than letting one loose while she's sucking on yo thang.

But what if you could just go shit without fear of repercussions? Im not saying be gross or repugnant with it. Dont bare butt fart the chick. But what if you did do the, "where is your bathroom," go in there, and do it. Would you consider doing this on a first date? Why not? If Wulff can do it and still land the recruit, why wouldn't you be able to do it on a first date? I'm sure* the woman will see things the same way that the recruit did; laugh about it, think it was funny, and think it was a great bonding experience. If she does, it could be significant move/step for your young/developing relationship.

* By 'sure' I mean 'I have no idea.'


Well see if this method works for Wulff. He is 5-32 at Wazzu. Two of those five wins are against DivisionII teams. These highlights are from Wazzu's 2008 season, Wulff's first, where they went 2-11, his second best record at Wazzu (to last years 2-10 campaign). In other words, shitting in people's houses can only help.

2 comments:

  1. How 'bout getting some baseball talk up in here?

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  2. Thank you for the comment and suggestion. We are always looking to improve the quality and sustainability of the blog.

    In all seriousness though, I'm going to get into it. I haven't really thought much about baseball yet, since I've been finishing up college bball and editing/shooting my film. The attention I have paid to it is limited to my fantasy team, the Sox, the Cubs, and the Orioles (my team). I'm thinking of a massive article I can write to kick off the season. Whether or not I come up with one, I will start featuring baseball in my daily posts more often regardless.

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