Friday, April 8, 2011

America: baseball, hot dogs, apple pie, and white wine.

It is no secret that Obama is a White Sox fan. The President has thrown out the first pitch at a 2005 World Series game, wearning a black and white pinstriped "Obama 05" jersey. He wears his White Sox gear with pride, sometimes to the chagrin of MLB. Simultaneously, Obama has made his disdain for the Chicago Cubs well known. In 2008, when asked who he would root for in an all Chicago World Series that ultimately never came close to happening, Obama said: "You go to Wrigley Field, you have a beer, beautiful people up there. People aren't watching the game. It's not serious. White Sox, that's baseball. Southside." Okay, thats fine, and a common criticism of Wrigley. Last year, after Obama was unable to name his favorite White Sox player growing up, Obama offered one more jab at the Wrigley faithful: "And the nice thing about the Sox is it's real blue-collar baseball," Obama said. "We always tease about the Cubs, they, you know, they're up at Wrigley sipping wine …"

This offers a few contentiuous pieces. First off, there is really no difference in style of play that would differentiate the Cubs into white collar, and the Sox into blue collar. Some baseball teams rely more heavily on pitching, others on hitting, but I don't think any team could be categorized as a blue collar team. Football is another discussion, as there is much more variation in style; passing, running, blitzing, zone, spread, I formation, etc, etc. What Obama meant, of course, he couldnt say; that the White Sox fans on the majority are more blue-collar, working class, and minority than the yuppie, white collar businessman, north side Cubs fans.

That is all another story for another day, however (or for my final paper). What was funny at the time, and no longer is, is that Obama mentioned that Cubs fans are up at Wrigley drinking wine. "Wrigley doesn't have wine!" many Cubs fans said in defense of their team and stadium. And of course it doesn't, and Obama didn't mean that literally, but rather as a joke to illustrate how clueless Cubs fans are. Surely, anyone who goes to a baseball game and drinks wine must be a fucking idiot, clueless about the sport, and downright un-American. Baseball = Summer = Hot Dogs & Peanuts = Beer.

So you could imagine my amusement when I heard that AT&T Park, home of the SF Giants, serves sushi and wine. "What a bunch of nerds," I think was my most Politically Correct reaction to the incident. In the end, I chalked it up to being nothing more significant than the Giants being the Giants, living in the hippie capital of the world, and even was nice in the end saying "well, that is wine country." So, fuck the Giants, is what I said.

So today, I'm watching the Red Sox Yankees game. The best rivalry in baseball. The greatest players to play the game. Ted Williams. Babe Ruth. The Mick. Yaz. Pedro. Gehrig. Hideki Irabu. Oops, but you get the idea. This is the home opener for the Red Sox. Fenway Park. The OLDEST stadium in baseball. All the tradition of baseball, Boston, the rivalry, etc, all wrapped up into this opening day.

In the fourth inning, when things settled down after an offensive explosion from both teams, the Red Sox announcers sent it down to some woman who pretends to be a journalist to review the renovations and new ammenities at Fenway park this year. New HD scoreboard. New concourse. And, you guessed it, white wine and sushi. AT FUCKING FENWAY PARK!!!! IS NOTHING SACRED.

I understand we are currently in the era of postmodernism, where anything goes. But have we really fallen that far that we need to have white wine at a baseball game? Can people who go to baseball games really not live if they dont have white wine for three hours? What a bunch of pussies we have become. And if you don't believe me, just ask the President.

Now, of course Obama didn't call anyone a pussy, or even comment on the Red Sox' new menu. BUt, reading between the lines and using the transitive property from 10th grade, we see that Obama says 'Cubs not real baseball/white collar' - 'Cubs sipping white wine' - 'Red Sox Sipping White Wine'. Red Sox are a team with tons of history, and that between them, the Yankees, the Cubs, Pirates, Dodgers, White Sox, and Phillies, defined baseball as we know it. Boston also prides itself on its blue-collar, working class morals. Red Sox fans, Fenway Park, all that shit, having never been, I get the impression is full of blue-collar, hard working, Boston-ites, who want to go cheer on the Red Sox, and have a beer and a famous Fenway Frank. Now, they got fucking white wine and sushi.

What I'm trying to say is, if the Red Sox could be got, anyone could be got. It won't be long before wine, sushi, caviar, lobster tails, and dom perignon are staples at every major league ballpark. We've turned into a nation of "non-fans," non-real-baseball watchers, and pussies. And if he had the ability to do so, Obama would agree with me 100%.

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