Many of you may have thought my blog was dead, or I was dead, or somewhere in-between those two extremes, but it remains that there is simply nothing to write about. I grew a tiny morsel of respect for sports writers these past couple of weeks, as I realized it is probably difficult to write an article anywhere from 3-7 times a week. Usually I read some of their stuff, and I say "this is what they come up with? Could there be anything more useless," etc, but now I can understand why they resort to that level.
But if you read my blog, you understand that I try to write about things other than sports, or at least, beyond the black and white headlines of "the yankees won last night." Thats why the lack of material for my blog is even more alarming.
In a long series of uninspiring years from Hollywood, we may have hit rock bottom with this years crop of films, at least in terms of originality. No one ever equated Summer Films with quality films, at least, ever since 1975 and 1977 when Jaws and Star Wars reinvented the film industry and caused the advent of the Summer Blockbuster. Summer films are expected to be big budget, action packed, bring the kids in from the streets during their summer break, etc, and are supposed to be nothing more than a mindless way to spend two hours. I dont expect the studios to roll out "Tokyo Story," "The Godfather," "Citizen Kane," etc, but I expect for them to roll out something that keeps me entertained.
I was watching Independence Day the other day (on Independence Day), and I found myself thoroughly entertained, despite the film being 15 years old, starring my mortal enemy in Wil Smith, me knowing what happens in the end, and it being a summer blockbuster. So what happened? Last year, "Inception" was the big hit. While I enjoyed the film a lot less than everyone else on the planet, I can at least acknowledge two things: 1) it was something different, 2) it was an event - everyone was talking about it, everyone saw it, and it was culturally relevant.
This year, it seems the idea machine broke down at all the major studios. What do we get? Well, when all else fails we can do this. How about we have a film where someone old goes back to college and falls in love with their teacher, transformers 18 when no one liked the last 16, Rob Schneider/Adam Sandler/Kevin James in a film where they turn into an animal or can communicate with animals, and something that people liked 30 years ago, only in 3-D! (talking about the Smurfs). And for you adults out there, a romantic comedy about being friends with benefits, which has only been explored 1000000 times before. I think well call it.......Friends with Benefits.
I don't know anything about music, but I know this. There is no landmark song for the Summer. Again, I'm not expecting the current artists to write and sing "Imagine," "Stairway to Heaven," or "Smells Like Teen Spirit," but I would like something that you could turn the volume all the way up on as you drive and pound the steering wheel to. This includes songs that would be totally embarrassing to be seen singing. As I said, I know nothing about music, I know nothing about new artists, I dont even know whos singing half the time, but I listen to the radio a fair amount. How then, can I easily remember that in 2006 "Hips Dont Lie" came out? Was it a good song? no. Will it be the lexicon of the greatest songs of the year, let alone the decade? Probably not. Would it be embarrassing if I was singing along to it at a stoplight, and anyone pulled up next to me? Yes. All that being said, I have memories of the song being on ad nauseum, my friends and I singing along to it, pounding the steering wheel, and driving place to place. We would bet on whether it would be on during a short trip. On longer trips, it would be how many times. We would listen to it on one channel, and then turn to the other pop channel, and see how long it would take before they played it there. Thats all Im asking for. Now, I turn on the radio, and 90% of the female singers sound like Edward ScissorsHands scratching his hands on a chalkboard, with no rhythm, no recognizable lyrics, and not even anything worth making fun of.
In the news, we of course have Casey Anthony. This story has already run its course with me, so Ill spare you everything I was thinking when the verdict came out. I will say this though. I never understood why in this day and age, people were tried by a jury of their peers. Have you walked outside lately? Gone grocery shopping? Gone to the 7/11? Sat next to someone at a sporting event? Why would you want any of those people deciding anyone's fate? I wouldn't trust 12 people to come together and tell me what shirt to wear or what to eat for lunch, let alone determine if someone killed and threw their child in a swamp.
And as soon as the verdict came out, people said "oh, maybe the jury is infallible." No fucking shit they're infallible. They said "its hard to convict someone when they know they may be facing death" and "they might have been upset that it took so long and they missed their holiday weekend" no FUCKING SHIT.
We established this system 220 years ago when we left England, and we were so afraid of tyranny that we went out of our way to make sure everything was fair. That meant, everything was going to be decided by peers. Thats bullshit now. I don't like anybody enough to decide anything in this day and age. Trials should be decided by a panel of judges. Why would I want some idiot getting paid minimum wage to be there who is upset that theyre missing their 4th of July cookout, when I can have a panel of judges who went to law school, studied law, know it like the back of their hand, were so accomplished that they became judges, and then have practiced law/being a judge for years. Its so fucking stupid.
And finally, we have sports. Or do we? The NFL and NBA are in a lockout. Great start. College Football has a new criminal seemingly every other day. Great. Baseball is offering its usual package, which may be as exciting as baseball can be in July, but as we know, that isn't very exciting. Before we talk about sports though, lets talk about me.
I sit in my apartment from day to day, and I realize, "I havent written a blog in a while." Why? a) there hasn't been an impetus to do so. b) even when I tried, I failed. I had writers block. I was going to write a college football blog that would show what the Top 25 would be in January, based on preseason rankings, how good I thought they'd be, and schedules. Then I realized, no one wants to read that. What can I say that you cant read in a magazine (you guys hear about this Saban? him and Bama are gonna be pretty good this year). Additionally, I realized I'd just turn into a Todd Blackledge, Mark May, or even worse, a Jesse Palmer. So I scrapped that idea.
I was so strapped for ideas that I even started (shield your eyes), to watch PTI and Around the Horn. Painful stuff. That's all I'll say. That, and I didn't get any inspiration from seeing J.A. Adande, Kornheiser, or any other schlub on the shows.
I went back and started watching all the 30 for 30s again. Great stuff. I think subconsciously, it is me trying to grab hold of something that doesn't exist anymore - cool sports. Consciously, it didn't give me any more ideas.
Did I remove myself from the sports world? Hardly. I still check ESPN every day. I still read pages of Steele's magazine every day. As I mentioned, I submerged myself even further by watching ESPN (although you could probably argue this is counterintuitive when it comes to being creative). I am as excited as ever for college football this year. Did I lose my wit, my ability to write, and all the great qualities that make me me? Doubtful. So I started to examine what actually went down this summer in sports.
The summer started off nice enough, with a game 7 victory by the Bruins, and an NBA finals to remember. But that cant be the only highlight of the Summer. Since then.........nothing. The U.S. Open will be memorable for the margin of victory in which McIlroy won, but not for any drama. And it won't be remembered for Woods playing in it. Nor will the British. Hate to sound like everyone else, but golf does benefit when he is involved. So that's a strike against golf.
As mentioned before, NFL and NBA in a lockout. Lets talk specifically about the NFL. WHile I realize they haven't lost any games yet, the idea that there could be a loss is planted strongly enough in us for us to lose excitement. Camps would be starting soon. We could turn on the TV and read about who the break out rookies are gonna be, whos gonna win it all, who the surprise team is going to be, etc. INstead, any NFL story boils down to one question: "will it exist this year?" Not good. Another example of this is fantasy football. I don't even like fantasy football, but I do it every year. So when I go to ESPN.com the other day, and I see their mock draft and power rankings are out, do I click on it? Of course not. Why would I waste my time reading about the power rankings when it isnt even certain there is gonna be a season? In years past, I would have at least glanced at it. While this doesnt sound exhilarating by any stretch of the imagination, I think you can appreciate that that this contribute to a build up fans would have, leading up to Week 1. Instead, I feel like a goth teenager. My mom brings me home a puppy, and I say "whats the point, its gonna die anyway." "Whats the point in reading the rankings, they're not gonna happen anyway." Not good.
If you could ever get a highlight out of tennis in a single season, it is a bonus. So far, none. Lets leave it at that.
College football is guilty of the same thing year after year. They talk about two things around this time of the year. 1) the schedules 2) anything and everything other than personnel. So while college football live doesn't offer me anything insightful, I am not shocked by this. There was big news at the beginning of the summer with OSU, and there SHOULD be big news with Oregon (it seems to me that hiring someone to go out and persuade kids to go to Oregon is wrong, but what the fuck do I know?) So I don't expect a lot out of college football this time of the year, and I dont get it. I usually turn on college football live, roll my eyes, and thats that. Then, college football ends up kicking ass, so I have that to look forward to.
One thing that cannot be overlooked is the loss of internet poker. True, this would take up a great deal of my summers in the past, but beyond that, it ruins a lot of excitement for following the WSOP. First off, Ivey isnt playing (admirable and right move on his part). Secondly, it is so difficult to watch and follow something, and then not be able to do it. Think about this. This is what makes sports so great (pretend poker is a sport for a second). When you were 5, you'd watch a morning football game and then, youd go out and play football. You would watch MJ jump from the free throw line or switch the ball 3 times in midair, and then, you'd go outside, stick your tongue out, and yell "jordan" as you tried to mimic the moves. Now, I'm supposed to watch people play poker, and then say "i wanna go play," and then go to play, and get the screen of death?
The whole law is ridiculous too. For years they advertised those sites during the ESPN broadcast. Even if you didnt put money in, you could win money in freerolls and other tournaments. Ivey, being a spokesman for FullTilt, who has yet to refund all the money, is sitting out the WSOP in protest. Lederer, who is a founder of FullTilt isnt, and I hear that he's a marked man (no joke). It's also funny because I was watching the Jimmy the Greek 30 for 30 the other day. In it, they made the point that they NEVER said the point spread on air. They never said Baltimore is favored by 7. Instead, they went around this to say "itll be closer than people think", or "baltimore big," or just say it "Baltimore, but only by 5." Now, they clearly say the spread on air (not just Musburger either). Fowler (who learned from burger), says "who you got, Clemson is a 3 point favorite," or "Penn state, the higher ranked team, is actually an underdog in this one." On top of it all, you have Chad Millman for ESPN.com openly write about gambling on the website. No charades or smoke and mirrors, clear, black and white print, talking about gambling. On college sports too. This coming only a couple of years after the NCAA's ad campaign of "Dont bet on it." Despite all this conversation and the fact that gambling has moved into the every day lexicon, its illegal. Go figure. And Chad Millman, whos articles were never based on any sort of logic, is now editor of ESPN magazine. I'm not saying, I'm just saying...................
I probably could have just summed up this article with this anecdote. 3 days ago, Derek Jeter returned from injury. He's closing in on 3,000 hits, and thats great. But 3 days ago, he had around 2994, or 2995. He came back, he went 0-4, and the Yankees lost 6-3 in a forgettable game. Nevertheless, ESPN.com dubbed it the "Highlight of the Night." Wow. Ive heard of East Coast/Yankee Media Bias before, but thats a little ridiculous. Today, go to the front page, and the main article is about..........what else? How the Boys and Girls Club of America remembers "The Decision." Simply put, could there be a slower news day?
So for now, the Summer of 2011 will be remembered for two things. 1) the Casey Anthony trial, and 2) the time period that everyone in the world realized that Facebook was dumb, and was nothing more than a forum for everyone to brag about their job, their niece or nephew, or post what they had for lunch, talk about how good their weekend was with their friends, post their liberal bullshit, or point out the fact that it is Friday, which means they will be off of work in a few hours (amazing how that works). So don't blame me for the lack of blogs, blame the world. That's what I do every day for anything that goes wrong in my life. But realize, I will be back , with a vengeance, once College Football starts, or once anything happens in the world. Until then, I recommend you follow and contribute to my posts on namesake.
P.S. I dont believe in curses or jinxes, but, I should point out that this is the first Summer in about 11 years where I haven't watched Dazed and Confused. I normally watch it within 48 hours of school being over, but in an odd set of circumstances this year, I was busy at this time, which led me to put it off and ultimately not do it. I realize that this could be the reason everything sucks so bad. I'll let you know if I watch it, because if I do, expect the next day to feature the NFL lockout to end, Oregon to get probation, the internet gambling law to be repealed, a full out riot at a baseball game, Woods to come out and embrace his inner villain and admit he uses steroids and will fuck whatever he wants when he wants, and in a weird twist to save money for the NBA and avoid a lockout, they announce that the Miami Heat are broken up, and the big three have to be split up amongst Minnesota, Sacramento, and Charlotte. That would be worth writing about.
note, infallible = fallible. This is what happens when you dont proof read your stuff
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